Father’s Day is a bittersweet day around these parts. We lost my Dad very suddenly in August of 2020. This is the third time we’ve “celebrated” Father’s Day without him. It sill stings a bit.

While I don’t need a specific day to be reminded of my Dad, the moment does provide time to think about the legacy my Dad left behind, and everything he did for me and our family.

It’s hard to put that gratitude and love into words, even for a verbose SOB such as myself. English is a beautiful language, but we’ve yet to come up with the necessary vocabulary and syntax to properly thank someone for helping to bring us into the world and providing us with love and support every single day.

This week, as a way to celebrate my Father, I recorded this cover of Teenage Fanclub’s ‘I Left A Light On’. The Fannies, as they are affectionately called by their supporters, are one of my all time favorite bands. Hailing from Glasgow Scotland, they traffic in a gorgeous brand of melodic power pop.

This song is ostensibly about a relationship gone south, and a narrator’s plea to wait with flame alit for the other party to return. When I heard it for the first time, I burst into tears over the death of my Dad.

Because Steven died in August of 2020, there was no service. By the time it was safe to convene, a funeral seemed more of a formal exercise than a need on our part for closure and healing. While I am not regretful at all of that decision, the grief came slowly for me and in waves. This song was one of the most important of those waves.

This became the moment at which I knew that the best way I could honor the legacy of Steven Carlson was to go out and live in the world like him every day. My depression, anxiety and grief had shut down my life and that was not the way to truly honor the man. Slowly, I began to realize that I could leave the light on for him, and for myself.

In the end, I decided to record all of the parts for this myself. My friends and bandmates could have played certain bits in more interesting or fluid ways than I have done here. But, this is all me and that’s what I need it to be; a reminder that I can do this thing, and I have help if I need it. It’s a reminder that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

It’s not lost on me that I have been fortunate enough to have a Father who was loving and supportive, and with whom I was close. Not every one gets that lucky. If this is a bittersweet day for you, leave the light on for yourself and for your own children if you have them.

I recorded this in a sheddio that Steven helped me will into being. That sheddio sits behind a house that I would never have been able to buy on my own without his immense help and kindness. My Dad enriched every aspect of our lives and he is sorely missed every day, but especially today.

I left a light on.

Cheers,
Matty C